Love and Attraction

Human beings are not born with the ability to love, but with a potential to love.  The potential can either be manifested or remain dormant, it is our choice.  The seed is already there inside, but it covered under piles of dirt. Remove all the dirt and give a right environment, then, it will sprout and grow into a big tree. The tree will bear fruits and give shelter to all those who pass by.  Tree is the fulfillment of the seed.  Only human beings posses the capability to truly love.  

We have not known Love, but have many misconceptions about love.

Two young people are holding their hands together and walking,  we say that they are in love.  We say, I love cricket, I love chocolates, I love this song, I love India, I love my family, I love my mobile, the list goes on  on. The word “love” is being loosely used for all that we like.  

Liking is not loving. 

When we feel a pull towards an object or a person or an idea, we just call it  “love” to that pull. If you see,  in this world, everything is attracting everything else.  The game of attraction is going on everywhere. Somebody bangs on the door, suddenly the mind gets attracted towards it.  Apple is attracted towards earth.  Iron is attracted towards magnet.  Chemicals when put together, gives raise to a chemical reaction, some bonds are formed.  You take two metals, keep them close to each other for a long time, then they cannot be separated, some kind of relationship  will be established.  

Attraction is the fundamental quality of this world.  And, this world itself has no life, it is a mechanical system.  Apple does not know why it is attracted towards earth, iron does not know why it is attracted towards magnet, why salt dissolves in water, salt does not know.  They are simply taking place because of the physical laws of Universe.  And, where there is attraction, there is repulsion as well.  Attraction and Repulsion are the fundamental laws of material world. Mind too is a subtle  matter.

So, when our mind is attracted towards something or somebody, we must know that it is purely mechanical.  A young boy getting attracted to a young girl is purely mechanical activity happening according to the biological impulses of nature.  

Love is not a mechanical activity.  Attraction is not Love.

You very well know, why chemicals react.  One chemical has some shortage of electron, so it wants the other atom to provide or share those electrons.  Similarly, whenever there is a feeling of lack inside, it will propel the mind to get attracted.  

Attraction happens when there is a feeling of incompleteness. 

We feel lonely and find a great attraction towards a man or woman. We feel inadequate and poor, and attracted towards money and wealth. We feel weak, insecure, and we are looking forward to hold the hands of someone strong and powerful. We feel unworthy, and find a great drive to posses  cars, latest gadgets, luxury home, a beautiful wife or accomplish something great.   Young girls are attracted towards beauty parlors, because they feel they are not beautiful.    

How did we get this “incompleteness” in the first place?

The feeling of incompleteness came to us in two ways.

1. Through  Body identification: 

Our physical body is little, finite and perishable. By taking ourselves to be the body, we tend to feel limited, insecure and greedy. 

2. By Social conditioning. 

We had been conditioned by our society to believe that we are incomplete.  Our parents told, “You are good only if you do what I say”, Teachers told, “You are good, if you get good marks”. When we were so small, immature and dependent on others, the social systems like family, school, culture, religion etc, filled our mind with wrong ideas about ourself and we believed them all without understanding. This is called social conditioning. 

He have often heard from our elders, “You will get respect only when you  achieve something great.”  “You are nothing without money.” “You have to  get a certificate of approval and appreciation”. Achieve!  Acquire!

We had been educated and habituated to believe we are not alright as we are through many ways. 

This feeling of incompleteness is the dis-ease.  You are uncomfortable and restless.  This is the cause of our attraction towards the world. This “incompleteness” is not at all natural to us. 

Love, on the other hand, is the quality of a healthy mind that feels complete in itself.  Because it feels complete in itself, because it is a healthy mind, all its relationships are healthy.  

A healthy relationship is also called a “loving relationship”.  It is so simple. 

Attraction is the symptom of sick mind.  They arise from our conditioning. 

I hear you asking, Please tell me, how can I get rid of the feeling of incompleteness, how can I get relief from the disease?  

Yes, it is possible to get rid of the feeling of incompleteness, because it is only imaginary, not a reality. 

So, there is no method or technique or practice helpful to eliminate this feeling. No need to do anything, understanding is sufficient. 

Love is understanding. 

Can I look at my mind?

Can I catch my own ways? 

Can I observe at the play of my conditionings and attractions?

If you can do that, just that realization gives you freedom from the disease. 

Freedom from disease is health.  Love is possible only to a very clean and pure mind.  Others will know attraction, they will never know love. 

Key words to remember:

We learnt few new words from this sheet. Let us take a look upon them.

1. Attraction
2. Social conditioning
3. Sense of incompleteness
4. Body-identification
5. Understanding

Contemplate on these words and its relevance in your life for the next few days.  Share your reflections on your findings. 

Few sample questions to ask yourself, 

Why am I attracted towards that person?  

What do I want from my friends or colleagues?  

What is the conditioning behind my feeling lonely?  

What kind of website or video is attracting my mind?  

The answers will reveal so much of your hidden tendencies.  Once they are revealed and exposed to your awareness,  you are free from it.  

Please share your reflections.  

Reflection writing is a powerful spiritual practice recommended by Vedanta teachers.   Keep a journal and write the reflections.  Do not hide, Do not feel bad. Do not expect some great treasure while you dig deep into your mind. There will be a greater probability to see only rubbish.  So, don’t get disappointed.