Loneliness To Aloneness

Loneliness is a feeling of desperation for others company.  There is hardly anybody who don’t know about this feeling.   I need somebody or something besides me. I am uncomfortable and unease being left alone.  This is how a lonely person feels.  

Usually, we call someone lonely who lives alone, have no friends to talk with or who is left out in parties and gatherings.  It is not so.  We all have this feeling of loneliness inside us.  Even a 2 months old baby feels lonely and cry for the company of mother.  The child needs the loving protection of parents. 

 As we grew old, toys and friends became our companions.  A teddy bear, a toy car, Barbie doll, a video game and such things helped us to get rid of loneliness.  We had few friends who always stood by our side. Later on, a need for opposite sex, dream for a soul mate arisen.  We entered into marriage, yet felt lonely without children.  The first child was born.  We needed one more for the company of first one.  We needed a right community and relationships.  We invested our money properly, kept us always surrounded by amenities and gadgets. It goes on and on.  

The whole life seems to be a humungous   effort to escape from loneliness.  We had never been alright with ourselves. Every little thing, person or action came into our life with the hope that it would make me alright, complete and fulfilled.  In spite of our efforts,  the feeling of loneliness  haunts many of us, till old age and death. 

Is loneliness our fate or destiny?  Is it our intrinsic nature?  

This sense of separation and loneliness is because we have considered ourselves to be only body. Who am I? I am this body. The body is material. Materials are different from each other and they cannot merge with each other completely. It is their nature.

You do many things to get rid of loneliness or you may call it emptiness. Hoping a piece of cake can fulfill the emptiness, you eat a cake. It gives a momentary pleasure or satisfaction, the tummy is full, but you find yourself still empty. You watch a movie, go to shopping mall even there you feel lonely amidst the crowd, chat with friends and relatives, have a drink, connect to face book, but are you feel really connected with anybody? Are not you still lonely?

We are afraid to be lonely. The world seems to stand up against us. It looks like an opponent, a competitor, a promising source of happiness or potential threat. We want someone to be with us, caring loving and fulfilling our needs. If suppose we get someone who seems to be filling the hole with in, we become dependent on them. We become so attached to them, that we cannot leave them free. This suffering for one self and the other.

Those who want to escape from loneliness get into the trap of attachment, eventually. Do you see this?

If two people are missing each other in their loneliness, when two people are dependent on one another for the reasons of security or finance, then, there can not be real love in it. 

If loneliness is the basis of our relationships, it cannot be a healthy relationship. It is a relationship born out of discomfort and disease, so it will perpetuate only disease and discomfort.  

A lonely person will always think about his own welfare and use others for his purposes.  But, the one who is in aloneness have a loving space for others to be themselves.  He will help others to enjoy their aloneness.  

A lonely person can almost receive pity from others, he does not deserve love. 

The first thing we need to understand is we can’t get rid of loneliness if we identify ourself with  body and mind. Each one is different in body and mind. We can’t go too close to anybody, our pain is our pain, nobody can feel for us.  Our minds are different.  They way we think and perceive is totally different from others.  The union, the harmony, the merging, the permanency we crave for can not happen even in intimate relationships if we live as body or mind.   It only shows you that you are longing for something immense and real that cannot leave you away forever, not petty objects or little people.

We have a core within us which is real, complete in itself and fulfilled in itself.  The core is the Real Lover. In religion, we call Him as God.  Staying with His company alone is the real Joy.   This is called aloneness. 

In aloneness, you enjoy your own company.  You won’t need others anymore. You are not a beggar anymore knocking each and every door.  You are full.  Now, the fullness will reach out others too. You become eligible for loving.  Not everybody is a lover.  

You must have God as your first lover.  Then only, you are capable of loving anybody.  So, in any relationship there are not two, three. I and You connected through God.  

Pay attention to your relationships.  When you see that a relationship borne out of loneliness cause suffering to all the people involved in it, then, your ways change. 

Once you really understand, then the right action happens on its own.

Realization is the biggest  power.